It has online co-op, so I guess that means it’s multiplayer and online, but it’s not massively-multiplayer and it’s not online in any sort of way that is defined by the O in MMO. Which basically means, Too Human has all the bad of an MMORPG (designed to waste your time, environments that lack any real substance, brain-dead enemies) with none of the good (meeting new people, playing with a large group of friends, feeling like you’re part of a virtual world).

In short, Too Human is a bad game. So why the hell did I play the whole damned thing? I mean seriously, this game is buggy, the story is nigh incomprehensible, and the game mechanics are completely vapid. Also, the game never explains itself half the time (wtf does “Soothing +44%” actually do for me? I rented the game from gamefly, so maybe that stuff was in the manual that I didn’t have, I guess.)

I played the whole damned thing for two reasons:

A. I really wanted the story to be good. I love Eternal Darkness, and the people at Silicon Knights are always good at story-based games. Towards the end, though, I gave up on it being satisfying and meaningful I kinda just wanted the story to make sense. It never was, and it wasn’t for lack of trying on my end. I was 100% on board for cyber-vikings and techno-norsemen, but they left me hanging. I have absolutely no idea what happened in the events of this story, and not in a pleasant “woah, surrealism is awesome” sort of way. I would have a hard time even summarizing it.

2. Just like an MMORPG, the game is deviously designed to rope you in. Even more than most MMOs, however, Too Human doesn’t ever let up with the endless stream of phat lootz. You just keep pushing the joystick towards badguys, and your brain just keeps on releasing endorphins, because the game just keeps on tricking you into thinking you’re actually accomplishing something. Some people would cite this as a reason to call this game “good,” but it’s only “good” in the same sense as eating a whole box of oreos is “good.” It’s tasty for a time, but ultimately unsatisfying, and leaves you with a tummy ache.

And then you look at that empy box and go “god dammit! I just ate that whole fucking box of oreos! What’s wrong with me??”

Posted by nick on 06 Oct 2008 at 12:42 pm